ACHTUNG Rihaana. Your days are numbered….

Three crazi Germans known as “The Baseballs” are taking ze cover band industry by storm with their Be Bop (alloola ba wap bam boom) teddy boy style of rock pop

Check their latest offering below which is their version of  Rihanna’s (still sexy but becoming a bit slutty) ”Umbrella” smash hit. We have to  say that there  was a much foot tapping going on when this song was played in our staff kitchen! They’ve also covered Katy Perry’s “Hot & Cold” hit with similar pleasing results.

German’s who sound American without David Hasselhoff anywhere to be seen……….go figure that one out.

(www.thebaseballs.com for more info). (www.giantlottos.com for online lottery tickets*).

*See the cool subliminal sales technique used. ……..No neither do we.

World Cup 2010. Because we can….

As you’ll notice, the subtitle to our blog is called, “A blog about the lighter side of being Wealthy”.

To be honest we wish it wasn’t because we have to  put  “wealth” twists on all our articles, and there’s only so much one can write about expensive cars, houses, boats, millionaire virgins etc.  And since we’re not very good at writing, this proves difficult. And, if we don’t keep you entertained, you won’t buy our lottery tickets, you’ll go to another blog,  and we’ll go bankrupt.

Therefore, we’ve officially decided that the blog subtitle remains the same but we’re going to write about any old crap from now on (this will surely confuse the hell out of our new members, but thats whats known in the business as a  USP!).

To kick off our new “anything goes but don’t change the subtitle blog” , here’s a radio prank with a guy who’s just won the lottery and is going to South Africa 1st class private jet for the 2010 Fifa World Cup, who’s just your  normal everyday Millwall supporter (and a generally decent kind of bloke).

Ripped and with special thanks to the instigator; Mr. Darren Scott from Radio Jacaranda in South Africa.

English football supporters.. Don’t you just love em…?

Porsche but not a Beatle

How many women can tell the difference between a Porsche Cayman and a Porsche 911 Turbo?

The answer is unequivocably about 5%. We know this because we have the perfect demographic cross-section in our office so therefore its official.

Now, about 60% of guys (again, official) know that a Porsche Cayman costs about a third of a Turbo, and if we buy a Turbo we expect everyone to know that we’re rich and not just trying to look like we’re rich (Mr. Cayman/ Boxster driver).

The point is that this has always been the problem with buying Porsches. They all look the same and have done for the last 50 years.  We’re discounting the Panemara because whilst it’s an engineering masterpiece its god awful ugly. You know when a new car comes out and you’re not sure, but then the style eventually grows on you? No matter how many times we see this monster, it just doesn’t get any prettier.

Anyway, it seems that after 50 years of angry letters to the laziest car designers in the world,  they’ve finally taken note.

We introduce the Porsche 918 Spyder, a hybrid concept (but sure to be manufactured in 2011) car that  rocks our world.

+/- 700 bhp. An interior you could happily lick all day, and a shape so sexy it makes us weak at the knees.

Shame the promo video is crap but at least you get to see what we’re salavating over…..

Carbon Black. Bullrun on Crack

Thinking our recent article “Cops Cars & Wonderbras’ (Nov 26) pretty much summed up the ultimate in Motor/ Party/Glam for  Lottery Winner millionaire playboys and girls around the world, we we’re surprised (and slightly humbled because we’re never wrong) when one of our Proplayer members (thanks John) set the record straight in no uncertain terms saying that “NO, it’s not the most glamorous rally on the earth…check this one out!”

Well we did indeed check it out and you know what……….. John was absolutely right.

Introducing the Carbon Black Supercar Rally, the most (until we’re proved wrong again) glamorous, rock “n” roll, excessive road rally taking place in the world today. Wow, do these guys know how to party.

Ok here’s the recipe:

Preheat one of the worlds most beautiful cities to approx 30 degrees C ( Vienna, Budapest,Rome Monte Carlo or similar can be used).

Into a pot, add the following supercars: Bugatti’s, Lambos, Maclarens, Ferrari’s, Lotus or Bentley (Porsches or Audi R8′s may also be used although taste may vary).

Once they have reached  boiling point (wheel spinning will help) add a sprinkle of uber hot “pit girls” for spice, 6 star hotels for a sweetener and a couple of Bell helicopters for decoration. Allow to cool for 30 minutes and then serve in either a 120ft Sunseeker or Casino of your choice with as much Bollinger or Nitros Oxide as you can handle.

Decadent is not the word…….. and our stomachs are rumbling  just thinking about it.

Go to www.cbrally.co.uk for more insane details. Go to www.giantlottos.com to win enough money to enter this madness.

Yes M’Lady

Don’t you just love the way we find utterly useless ways for you guys to spend your Lottery winnings? There are so many crazy things to buy these days we just have fun finding them for you.

This little gem is not a new item, but something that secretly a lot of us wouldn’t mind acquiring….

Just imagine you and your missus walking through fast track check in and being addressed as “Lord and Lady”. Sound a bit cheesy? How about Baron and Baroness? Earl, Count, Marquis? This list goes on but the reality is that you can actually BUY a noble Title these days with nothing more than a laptop and credit card (and not a Beefeater in sight).

How does it work? Well to be honest, the details are sketchy but it seems that there is a loop hole in UK land laws, whereas Count farmer Jones can divide his field into thousands of little pieces and then sell you 1m sq of his dung soaked grass which includes rightly inheriting the genuine* land owner title with it.

*Genuine. Hmmm, now there’s a word that has a million connotations these days. Is the title real? If you ask the people selling these things then they say yes, you can even change the name on your passport to include your newly acquired blue bloodline. If you ask the other Barons, Lords or regular Toffs then  you get opposing answers. At prices from £200 we we edge on the side of caution,and we’re certainly not going to start recommending splashing out on these status enhancers or recommend websites for you to buy the said Title. Just Google “noble titles for sale” and you be the judge.

Royal Regards from,

Baron Giantlottos esquire of plot 2374 (the one next to the big Oak tree by the gate)….got a ring to it eh?

 

Americans….don’t ya just love em

Q. Whats this video clip got to do with the UK Lottery millionaire lifestyles then?

A. Absolutely nothing (unless you want to build one of these crazy games in the back garden of you mansion, which would make us best friends for life).

Thing is that us Brits have only just received this piece of TV magic from across the pond courtesy of ABC television and its just too funny not to show you guys.

The TV show is called Wipeout. It features people falling over ( a lot). The commentators are genius. We hope you enjoy as much as we did………………..

Best Lottery Divorce Letter . . . .

Dear Hubby,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.  I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.  But, these last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.  Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal, & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.  You ate in 2 minutes & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games.  You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone!!
Your Ex-Wife
P.S.:  Don’t try to find me.  Your BROTHER & I are moving away to Spain together!  Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true that you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.  I watch my games so much because they drown-out your constant whining & griping (too bad that doesn’t work).  I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’  Since my mother raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.  And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating fish 7 years ago.  About those new silk dress:  I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.  So when I hit the Euromillions for £10 million, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Monte Carlo.  But when I got home you were gone.  Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.  My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!!

P.S.  I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as Carla (woman)………I hope that’s not a problem!!

Man tries to pay bill with Spider

Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide prankster man David Thorne  had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.

From: Jane Gilles Date:

Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm

 To: David Thorne

Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne

Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards,

David.

From: Jane Gilles Date:

Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Overdue account

 Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne Date:

Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards,

David.

From: Jane Gilles Date:

Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely,

 Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne Date:

Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards,

David.

From: Jane Gilles

Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards,

David.

From: Jane Gilles

Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards,

David.

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards,

David.

From: Jane Gilles

Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm

To: Jane Gilles

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards,

David.

From: Jane Gilles

 Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

Hey Dude. I’m on a Boat

Crude, disgusting, talentless, Grammy nominee, comedy genius’s for young pubescent guys the world over.

We proudly reluctantly present, ”The Lonely Island”, an American band formed by Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg, that for some ungodly reason are taking the world by storm with their parody rap music.

Why on earth are they included in our blog you may ask? (Pulitzer prize journalism being the norm here of course).

Well simply because they made a  music video called “I’m on a Boat” which Giantlottos.com firmly believe should become the Official Lottery Winning Anthem for men aged between 18-25 the world over.  Now besides winning the award for the most times F£$*k can be used in one song, the video is how we always envisage young, male lottery winners behaving with their new found fortune. Just watch it and we think you’ll get the picture.

Problem is that now we can’t stop laughing  each time we hand over a winning cheque  to one of our younger gentleman…….

WARNING. The video below contains the use of bad language throughout and shouldn’t be viewed by anyone under the age of 18, or those who may be easy offended. 

 

Stick to what you’re bad at

What is it with “Celebrities” these days?

Isn’t it enough that these airheads are famous for nothing more than suspect internet sexapades, but then they believe a spread in OK magazine gives them the right to start their own fashion labels. Listen here, a couple of years at drama school and a dodgy paparazzi exploit does not give you the right to start your own clothing line. Period. And atGiantlottos.com we know what we’re talking about because we are all totally into our labels but not egotistical enough to believe that we can make little black dresses as a sideline  (just imagine ” The dress for  all occasions  by Giantlottos.com” . It just sounds wrong).

Let get this straight. Fashion designers have it tough. They go through 10 years of college, so poor that they eat their own fingernails ; any money they have goes on cotton, silks and fashion shows (for which they get slated) and then, only the absolute crème de la crème get the chance to start their own labels.

At Giantlottos.com we are all for capitalism. Our job is to create millionaires for goodness sake. But come on Ms Hilton, Orange Spice and Ms “The Hills” Conrad, you do not have a creative bone between you so instead of selling out and believing your own entourage’s hype, stick to what you’re good at…..and what that is only you (and possibly the Great Almighty) knows.

PS Our current fashion favourite:  A grey tee-shirt with a giant image of Paris Hilton’s face and the word “Inspire”.

Yes, Paris. Please continue to inspire us all.